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The Absolute Me
The Absolute Me, will never be found
Created on 2005-01-23 21:38:05 (#5876185), last updated 2009-08-08
144 comments received, 301 comments posted
Basic Account [Gift]
191 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 4 Userpics
Basic Info| Name: | the_absolute_me |
|---|
BioSometimes I feel so alone, being the age that I am, and struggling with an ED. I think perhaps, a good portion of the population struggles with it in some form or another and to some extreme or another. Unfortunately, I seem to be the odd one out among all of my friends.
The name of this journal comes from a poem I wrote in high school, over 10 years ago. I am still searching for the absolute me...
Dictionary says:
anorexia ner·vo·sa
n.
A psychophysiological disorder usually occurring in young women that is characterized by an abnormal fear of becoming obese, a distorted self-image, a persistent unwillingness to eat, and severe weight loss. It is often accompanied by self-induced vomiting, excessive exercise, malnutrition, amenorrhea, and other physiological changes.
Do I have it? I've always thought not really. A person with anorexia usually can't stop what they're doing. You've seen the pictures of walking skeletons, all gross and bony. No, I don't want to look like that. I'm pretty sure I could stop.
All my adolescence and adult life, I've been chubby. I have no self control when it comes to eating. Most of the time. When I eat, I feel like a failure. When I don't, I feel like I could conquer the world! This is what I want. I want to be a beautiful success. What do you think when you look at a fat person? "god they're fat"? "They must over eat a lot"? Nothing positive. Do you ever think "oh that person really enjoys life because they eat all they want!"? Don't say you do because that would be a lie. Thin people are loved, look at the models, look at Pam Anderson and Paris Hilton.
Men always say that they will love you no matter how you look- but then their heads turn when a thin girl walks by or flashes across the screen....
Do *I* have a "distorted view" of body image? I think perhaps the world does, I just know how I want to look.
The name of this journal comes from a poem I wrote in high school, over 10 years ago. I am still searching for the absolute me...
Dictionary says:
anorexia ner·vo·sa
n.
A psychophysiological disorder usually occurring in young women that is characterized by an abnormal fear of becoming obese, a distorted self-image, a persistent unwillingness to eat, and severe weight loss. It is often accompanied by self-induced vomiting, excessive exercise, malnutrition, amenorrhea, and other physiological changes.
Do I have it? I've always thought not really. A person with anorexia usually can't stop what they're doing. You've seen the pictures of walking skeletons, all gross and bony. No, I don't want to look like that. I'm pretty sure I could stop.
All my adolescence and adult life, I've been chubby. I have no self control when it comes to eating. Most of the time. When I eat, I feel like a failure. When I don't, I feel like I could conquer the world! This is what I want. I want to be a beautiful success. What do you think when you look at a fat person? "god they're fat"? "They must over eat a lot"? Nothing positive. Do you ever think "oh that person really enjoys life because they eat all they want!"? Don't say you do because that would be a lie. Thin people are loved, look at the models, look at Pam Anderson and Paris Hilton.
Men always say that they will love you no matter how you look- but then their heads turn when a thin girl walks by or flashes across the screen....
Do *I* have a "distorted view" of body image? I think perhaps the world does, I just know how I want to look.
ConnectInterests (49):
adriana lima, ana, anoretic, anorexia, anxiety, art, beauty, belly dancing, bettie page, betty page, bones, bulimia, calories, cocaine, coffee, control, cooking, dancing, dieting, eating, ed-nos, fat, fatness, food, green, hip bones, i, me, mia, models, myself, nutrition, obsessions, organic, painting, perfection, reading, restriction, ribs, starvation, starve, temptation, thin, thinness, triggers, vegan, vegetarian, walking, yoga
Friends [View Entries] Friends (22):
_________lost, _______alliwant, analovememore, anyonebutmee, blondebaby84, chasingana, definedhearts, edie_star, elly_belly11, ihavenocontrol, mdmnore88, mia_misery, missrachel84, nemeleinama, oh_hold_me, perfect_hemline, prettypinkbows, repressedsoul, shinnies_lover, thin101, thinisin23, witheringawayxx
Mutual Friends (15):
_________lost, _______alliwant, analovememore, anyonebutmee, definedhearts, edie_star, ihavenocontrol, mdmnore88, mia_misery, nemeleinama, oh_hold_me, perfect_hemline, repressedsoul, thin101, thinisin23
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Communities [View Entries] Watching (12):
911pixie, _thinspiration_, ana_diaries, ana_inspiration, anagothica, corpus_obscura, ednos_ana_home, houseofsins, over21ed, proanorexia, sfgoth, what_i_ate_2day
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